I am not one to regret. And I don't. Not one of the years, months or weeks I spend in this relationship. Not even the hardest and most hurtful once. They made me become the person that I am today. They formed my character, they taught my heart. To share this part of the road with a person I have the utmost respect for leaves me grateful and sad.

I choose to remember the good things. The times he made me feel like I was worth his life, not those when I felt less than a dime in his pocket. The thoughts, the dreams, the love we shared instead of the fights, the words, the opinions which separated us. The person I want to remember is the one who made my life richer, who empowered me to become who I am today, who loved me unconditionally.

And though it hurts like hell to part two lives which were woven together for years, to accept that those two people who met more than seven years ago and felt like children exploring a new world only they knew the secret door to, have changed along the road, there is some relieve hidden under all the pain. Now there is no more hurting each other for not fulfilling the expectations the other one had. There is time to let things go. The possibility of a new life with someone who might accept the fairytale turning to reality and the changes it brings. To appreciate and love how every day life feels, to be a partner in good and in bad. Someone who doesn’t change as a person by making things work that are different from what you dreamed of. Whose dreams become yours and yours become his.

At some point I am sure that I can let go of this deep sadness that accompanied me for far too long. To smile again from the depth of my heart. To look back and all that is left to remember will be happiness.

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4 Comments on Retrospection

  1. Ksenija, oh girl. I literally teared up reading this. My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you have to be dealing with this. Heartbreak is one of the most difficult feelings to ever face and experience. As you know, I can totally relate to what you are going through with my marriage coming to an end. I wish there was something I could say to help or to heal the break, but sadly, as I know, there is little that can be said to change the way one feels. I do, however, love the mindset you are choosing to have in this break-up. Instead of holding bitterness, anger, or focusing on all the negativity and bad things, you are choosing to try and see whatever bit of good and positivity you can. That mindset will help you heal so much quicker.

    If there is anything at all I can do, or if ever you just need to talk/vent to someone who knows what you’re going through and can relate, please do NOT hesitate to come to me. I wish you nothing but happiness and healing, dear. Hang in there. <3

  2. Thinking of you lovely, really hope you are ok. I’ve been in a similar position and it does get better with time, you have so much to come ahead of you in your life. Take care of yourself petal xxxx

  3. My heart aches for you, love, but I have to admit that your outlook on this situation is beautiful. I know the pain and emptiness that this kind of parting brings with it, but it will lessen with time, and you’ll find that fairytale that you deserve. Thinking of you <3

  4. I love your outlook on this and I know that the heartache you’re feeling now will fade in time and that the relationship’s many good times and good aspects have made you stronger and although it’s tough now you will be an even more amazing woman for it.
    Sending you so much love.

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